There I laid, alone. Flat on my back on a gurney in the hallway of the ER. In a room to my right, my husband held our son's hand as the doctors tried to resuscitate him. I'd just given birth minutes ago and my body was screaming at me, shaking with pain and adrenaline, but there was no one there to help me.
My mouth was so dry. Suddenly, all I could think about was getting water. One of the paramedics from our ambulance went looking for some. This is all I could find, he said as he dipped a tiny sponge into a cup and pressed it to my lips. I cringed as a bitter menthol-like substance filled my mouth.
They strapped my arms out on either side of me in the operating room. There had been lots of tearing during labor. For two hours, they pierced my skin with needle and thread again and again. My shoulders began to ache as I drifted in and out of sleep, laying there in the shape of a cross.
I was alone in that ER hallway. In my most desperate need there was no one there to care for me. And Jesus, in his darkest moment, was abandoned by his closest friends and faced the cross alone - for me (Mark 14:50). I was thirsty with nothing to drink. And Jesus, the Living Water, went thirsty on the cross - for me (John 19:28). I laid on that operating table, pierced and broken. He was pierced and broken on the cross - for me (Isaiah 53:5).
As I reflect this Good Friday on the incomprehensible events of the crucifixion, I get shivers at how many parallels there are between Jesus' suffering and my own. It's not that I believe I'm somehow comparable to Jesus...it's that I see Him in every detail of my pain.
2 Cor 1:5 says, "For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too."
It's no secret that Ty's life has drawn us closer to our Suffering Savior, but it has also drawn us deeper into his comfort, too. Today I'm in awe that God would use my son and the ways I suffered for his life, to pull me into a bigger story - the greatest story in human history. But most of all, I'm in awe of my Suffering Savior who faced death alone, so that even in my darkest moments, I would never have to.